


Three Years On

by elem (elem44)



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-29
Updated: 2017-05-29
Packaged: 2018-11-06 05:59:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11030091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elem44/pseuds/elem
Summary: Written for all the VAMBies on our third anniversary (Oct 2006). Congratulations and thank you all.This has a little bit of everything. First and foremost a happy JC ending with a helping of angst, joy, adventure, mystery, the crew, post- Endgame and even babies. Enjoy and thank you VAMB.





	Three Years On

Three years. They’d been home for _three years_. Where had the time gone?

Kathryn looked around at the happy faces of her crew and a swell of pride pressed against the confines of her chest. They’d truly done themselves proud since their return. All of them. And with that thought a wonderful sense of satisfaction added itself that sense of pride. To see the joy of Ayala’s sons and Harry’s parents, Owen and Elizabeth Paris’s delight as they sat huddled with Miral, and to feel the aura of contentment that pervaded the entire room, made the sacrifice and loss worthwhile. Almost.

“Good evening, Admiral.”

Her thoughts were interrupted. “Doctor.” Kathryn moved a little to make room for her former EMH and friend. “How are you?”

“I’m very well, thank you, Kathryn. You’re looking well, but may I remind you that next…”

”Yes Doctor, I have the date highlighted on my schedule with bells and whistles. I’ll see you next Wednesday.” She turned towards him fully. “Are you ever going to stop harping at me about my physicals?”

The Doctor gave her a candid look. “No.”

Kathryn turned back towards the crowd and nodded her head. “Fair enough.” A small smile twitched at the corners of her mouth. What would she have done without him these last few years?

The friends both stood in silence watching the mill of people laughing and enjoying each other’s company but she could sense an air of anticipation radiating from the doctor so she decided to put him out of his misery. “Before you ask, no, I haven’t heard from him.”

The Doctor feigned ignorance but seeing her expression, his face fell and his shoulders slumped. “I’m sorry. I hoped you would have this time, especially since this is such an important anniversary. Ten years since we all met and three years back in the Alpha Quadrant.” He shook his head sadly. “What a pity.”

The Doctor leaned a little closer and Kathryn nodded but didn’t speak. What was there to say? Chakotay had left almost three years ago and it seemed they would never see him again. It broke her heart.

She was grateful for the Doctor’s silent support. Their friendship had deepened over the last few years and he’d been her stalwart supporter since their arrival home.

Before she could dwell too much on the whereabouts of her former first officer, her attention was caught by a yell of, “Auntie Kathryn!”

She turned and found Naomi skipping towards her and her heart lightened. Almost as tall as Kathryn now, Naomi wrapped her arms around her former captain and squeezed her tight. She returned the enthusiastic hug and chuckled. “Naomi, how are you sweetheart?”

“I’m wonderful, Auntie Kathryn. How are you?”

“I’m very well, thank you. I swear you’ve grown since last week. Where are your mother and father?”

Still holding Kathryn’s hand, Naomi looked back over her shoulder and searched the crowd before pointing. “There they are, talking to Harry.”

Kathryn spotted Samantha and the blonde head of Naomi’s father, Greskrendrick and smiled. Every time she saw him, she was reminded of their homecoming and the unforgettable moment when father met daughter. He’d waited faithfully for seven years and their reunion was something that still warmed her heart and brought tears to her eyes. The emotional impact of Naomi greeting her father for the first time was a highlight that people talked about to this very day.

Their arrival three years ago had culminated in a flurry of activity once they’d beamed down en masse to the waiting crowd of family and friends. But amidst the bedlam of hundreds of people meeting and greeting, one reunion captured the hearts of all who were witness.

Greskrendrick stood quietly, a head taller than almost everyone there and as Samantha and Naomi approached, a sudden hush fell over the crowd.

With eyes filled with tears, the tall Ktarian was focused intently on the small golden haired girl moving confidently towards him. Naomi was smiling as she approached – grinning from ear to ear – before she stopped a few feet away from him.

Looking up at the tall man, she’d said, “Hello, Daddy. I’m Naomi, your daughter.”

Greskrendrick had dropped to his knees and with tears pouring down his face, opened his arms. Naomi had thrown herself into his embrace, wrapping her little arms around his neck and held on tight. There was barely a dry eye in the room.

For Kathryn, it had become the moment that encapsulated the joy of their return and the reward of all their efforts. Over the subsequent three years, Naomi had thrived in the loving care of both her parents and had recently become a big sister to a beautiful baby girl. The Voyager ranks were expanding all the time. Kathryn smiled at the thought.

Naomi turned to the Doctor. “Hello, Doctor.”

“Hello, young lady. How are your studies going? Your mother tells me that you’re thinking of pursuing medicine as a career. A most worthy profession, and one in which I would be happy to tutor you, if you need assistance.”

“Oh, thanks, but that was last week. This week I think I’d like to be a vet. Did Auntie Kathryn tell you she gave me a puppy?”

The Doctor looked at Kathryn and raised his brow. “No, she failed to mention that. Congratulations.”

Naomi began to prattle on about how cute and adorable her new puppy was and Kathryn smiled indulgently.

All of a sudden, the young girl let out a delighted cry. “Seven!”

Heads turned and Kathryn watched proudly as Lieutenant Annika Hansen of the USS Kepler approached. Naomi rushed over and gave her a hug and taking her hand dragged her back towards Kathryn and the Doctor.

“Good evening, Admiral.” Seven’s face broke into a warm smile and she leant forward and kissed Kathryn on the cheek. Kathryn returned the warm greeting.

Annika then turned and kissed the Doctor and took his arm. “The celebrations seem to be proceeding as you predicted. Has Mr Paris begun singing yet?”

Kathryn laughed. “No, thank heavens, but I don’t think we’ll have too long to wait. B’Elanna is starting to look a little irritated, so we probably don’t have long to wait. By the way, have you see Miral?” Kathryn shook her head still laughing. “Poor Tom has his hands full and I hear a rumour that there might be another bundle of joy on the way.” Looking at the Doctor, she raised her brow in question.

The Doctor shrugged. “I can’t divulge that sort of information, Captain. Doctor/patient confidentiality, you know…. but if you’ve the inclination – and those knitting needles handy – a blanket in shades of blue wouldn’t go astray.”

Kathryn took note and they all smiled conspiratorially.

The dancing had started and excusing themselves, Seven hauled the Doctor out onto the floor, leaving Kathryn and Naomi alone.

Naomi looked sideways at her ex-captain and noticed the lines around her eyes and the sad tilt to her mouth. They hadn’t heard from Chakotay and he wasn’t here. They’d all been hoping that he would come out of his self-imposed exile to be here for this celebration. She felt a surge of anger towards him. How could he? Auntie Kathryn loved him so much. Anyone could see that, and Naomi had always thought he loved her, but obviously, he hadn’t loved her enough to stay. Sometimes grownups were so stupid and frustrating.

In the early days after his disappearance, Naomi had hunted for him. The Captain had been so unhappy and she’d desperately wanted to find him for her. She’d searched the databases for mention of him on the planets within the old Demilitarised Zone and other places that she thought he might have gone. But try as she might, she hadn’t found him. No one had.

Three years was such a long time to miss someone and her heart was so sad for her former captain and friend. Her father had waited seven years for her and her mother, and she knew the Admiral would keep waiting for Chakotay, and that made her even sadder. She knew her Aunt Kathryn was reasonably content with her life and most of the time she was happy. The crew had stayed close and they saw each other all the time, meeting for birthdays, weddings, anniversaries and other celebrations. Those who were stationed here in San Francisco got together regularly and often. The Admiral was the lynchpin that held them all together but they were still missing an integral part of their family.

Naomi considered herself very lucky. Her mother worked for the Admiral so she saw her Auntie Kathryn almost every week and now that she was getting bigger, B’Elanna allowed her to babysit Miral. They were still like one big happy family. All that was missing was Chakotay.

While Naomi had been daydreaming, Harry Kim had wended his way to their side. “Admiral, may I have the honour of this dance? Hi, Naomi.”

Kathryn chuckled. “Commander Kim, I’d be delighted.” Naomi waved at him as he led Kathryn away.

Harry tossed over his shoulder to Naomi. “You’re next young lady.”

Naomi laughed and went in search of the Delaney sisters. Megan had brought her new baby with her and promised Naomi a cuddle.

* * *

The hours sped by and the night was another wonderful success. After all the dancing and Mr Paris’s sing along, the crowd had begun to thin – B’Elanna blamed the singing and was not backward in telling her husband. Laughing at their playful banter, Kathryn excused herself and moved outside to the balcony for some fresh air. Many eyes followed her exit.

Kathryn felt the concerned glances of her crew as she exited and moving to the edge of the patio, she looked across the bay and sighed. She knew that they worried about her and whereas once that thought would have irritated her, these days it warmed her heart. But she really was all right. Time healed most wounds and she’d reluctantly come to terms with Chakotay’s absence. Besides, on a night like tonight, it was hard to feel too sad.

She didn’t think she would ever get over the wonder of being home. At times like this when all the memories crowded and the Delta Quadrant didn’t seem that far away, she sent a silent thank you to her older self. No matter what had happened since their return, she’d never regretted her decision to follow Admiral Janeway’s plan. There was no comparison between being here safe in the Alpha Quadrant, and the nightmare of being lost so far from home.

Memories of their triumphant return assailed her and she smiled to herself. The delight of seeing her mother and sister again had been something she thought could never be equalled. When she’d finally found them in the crowd, decorum had fled and the strong willed, resilient captain of the Starship Voyager had thrown herself into her mother’s loving arms and cried uncontrollably for several minutes. She’d been totally overwhelmed by the emotional impact of seeing her family again. There were nieces and nephews to meet and get to know, and Phoebe’s husband, Angus.

The first few weeks after her arrival were spent in a whirlwind of becoming reacquainted with family and friends – both old and new. Even after an initial awkward meeting with Mark and his wife, the warmth of their long-standing friendship had carried them through and she was now firm friends with his wife, Carla and godmother to their youngest daughter.

Debriefings were held at a leisurely pace over a matter of months and as the bulk of their logs had been analysed long before they arrived home, most of the meetings merely involved explanations of the wondrous technology they’d brought back from the Delta Quadrant. She’d spent many hours in consultation with Engineers and tech experts and, along with Seven and B’Elanna tried, sometimes without much success, to explain how they’d managed to integrate Borg, Etharan, Vardwar and various other alien technologies into Voyager’s systems. At the time, she’d taken perverse pleasure in bamboozling the many so-called ‘experts’ with the Voyager crew’s innovative and ingenious methods.

The entire crew had been subjected to debriefings but the senior staff, of course, had to deal with the most in-depth questioning. It had been tiring but a lot less stressful than she’d imagined it would be – for her anyway, and this was where Kathryn later realised that things had all gone awry. She’d been so relieved that the debriefings were going so smoothly and so filled with the joy of re-establishing her connections with her friends and family that she’d just assumed everyone was as pleased as her to be home. It all came unstuck with a visit from Seven six weeks or so after their homecoming.

There was a decisive knock on the door of the Janeway home one afternoon. It was Seven and she had come to deliver some disturbing news.

Kathryn had ushered her to the cool of the veranda and asked her what had prompted her visit.

The news Seven brought with her left Kathryn shattered.

Chakotay had gone and no one knew where.

Seven was clearly distressed. “Captain, I was aware he was not happy. As you know, our relationship was short lived and lasted no more than a few days after our arrival here on Earth. His discontent was not caused by the dissolution of our relationship – I think he was relieved more than anything that it was over. As was I. We agreed to remain friends and I assumed he was in a satisfactory state of mind but it appears that my assumption was incorrect. Although he seemed content enough, as the weeks went on he became quieter and sought solitude more often. B’Elanna was concerned for him and suggested we talk to you, but he forbade it. He said that you had your life and that you owed him nothing. You had done what you’d promised and got the crew home but that he had broken his word to you and had no right to impose himself upon you. We were unaware of what this promise entailed and attempted to argue with him. We knew that you would want to talk to him, but he was resolute.”

This news had distressed Kathryn terribly. She’d been seeing him almost every day at the debriefings and he’d never said a thing. They’d often met for coffee during their breaks and he’d seemed his usual self, but she’d been keeping herself a little aloof from him and although she’d been aware of the break up with Seven, she didn’t see it as her place to enquire.

He hadn’t told her about the relationship in the first place, so she felt that it would be wrong of her to pry. She readily admitted to being upset that he hadn’t talked to her about the relationship, but they’d grown apart over the last few months of the journey and so she’d swallowed her hurt and stepped back. She berated herself for that now. Hindsight was a bitch and she knew now that she should have acted on her instincts and broached the subject. After all, they’d been best friends for the best part of seven years and he deserved better than what appeared to be her detached indifference.

If she was completely honest with herself, however, she had to admit to stepping away from him and ignoring his overtures of friendship as pathetic attempt to punish him for his betrayal. It had been cruel and calculated and she hated herself for it. And look what it had done. She’d driven him away. Damn it. Prideful assumptions had been the cause of most of her problems over the years. When would she ever learn?

Seven had not quite finished her tale when B’Elanna burst in. “Kathryn! Kathryn! He’s gone and no one knows where. Kahless, I could kill him. Why would he do that?” She’d come blustering out onto the veranda with Miral in her arms, gesticulating wildly. “Oh, Seven. You’re here. I tried to call you to find out if you’d heard anything. Have you told her?”

Seven nodded, as Kathryn took a fussing Miral from B’Elanna’s arms and they watched the engineer pace up and down the open veranda. As much as Kathryn’s heart ached at the thought of Chakotay’s disappearance, command training was hard to overcome and she remained calm and tried to soothe baby and mother.

“B’Elanna come and sit. We have to think this through logically. He can’t have gone far. He’s most likely returned to Trebus or Dorvan. We’ll contact Starfleet. I’m sure they’ll have some record of his movements. A person can’t just disappear.”

* * *

But he had. They’d searched and scoured the quadrant, asked everyone they knew and many they didn’t, but he’d literally vanished. After many months of fruitless searching, the three women were sitting around the table in B’Elanna’s kitchen. All were sombre and bitterly disappointed with their lack of success.

Kathryn finally voiced what the others were thinking. “It’s time to put this to rest. He obviously doesn’t want us to find him and I think we have to respect his wishes.” Kathryn’s voice faltered at that point and B’Elanna reached across and squeezed her arm. She was so angry with him for doing this to all of them, but especially for what he’d done to Kathryn.

B’Elanna couldn’t hold back any longer and exploded. “How dare he do this! He promised he would be here for Miral, for you…. for all of us.” Her anger was short lived and, as she looked at the other two women, she realized something and gave a harsh laugh to cover her tears. “Who would believe it?” Kathryn and Seven looked at her with questioning frowns. B’Elanna continued. “Would you look at the three of us? Have you ever seen such a mismatched bunch? An Admiral, an ex-Borg, and a half Klingon former-Maquis, all of whom at one point or another have loved,” she turned to Kathryn, “or still love this totally exasperating man. It’s like the plot from a bad holonovel.”

Seven’s cocked her metallic brow, and with a deadpan expression looked back and forth between the women. “The Three Chakoteers.”

Kathryn blinked and B’Elanna stared for a moment then snorted. “Seven, I believe that’s probably  _the_ worst joke I’ve ever heard. Well done. Welcome to humanity.”

Kathryn tried to laugh, but the tears were too close to the surface and she excused herself. “I’ll go and get some coffee.”

B’Elanna and Seven watched her leave the room, then they looked meaningfully at one another, and Seven voiced her concerns. “We will have to stay close now that he is gone.”

B’Elanna nodded. “She’ll be fine. She’s strong and she has us. We’ll look after her.”

* * *

And they had. In their shared loss, the bonds had pulled tighter. The crew had become their safety net and they’d thrived in the warm cocoon of love and camaraderie in which they’d wrapped themselves for the last three years. Many had quietly continued their search for their missing first officer, and although his name was rarely mentioned, he was never forgotten. They all missed him, Kathryn more than anyone.

Shaking her head to clear her thoughts, Kathryn turned her back on the view and her memories, and looked towards the ballroom. She could see clearly through the large windows and smiled. The Doctor and Seven were still dancing. What an odd but blissfully happy pair they made. B’Elanna and Tom were wrapped around one another, Owen and Elizabeth had taken Miral home many hours earlier. Harry and Celes were dancing and Kathryn gave a quiet nod of approval for that relationship. They would make one another very happy. Deciding that she had much to be thankful for she crossed her arms and leant back against the railing, letting the happiness of the evening wash over her.

Someone cleared their throat and her head snapped around. A familiar shape stepped onto the patio.

“Reg! What are you doing lurking around in the bushes? The celebration is nearly over, we expected you much earlier.”

Reginald Barclay, honorary Voyager crewman, stepped out of the shadows. “I…I…I’m sorry if I startled you, Admiral but I wanted to speak to you alone. I..I… have news.”

Kathryn frowned. “News?”

“About Commander Chakotay, but I’m afraid it’s not the best news. My superiors have left it up to you to decide what we do about the information we’ve received.”

Kathryn’s heart leapt into her throat and she shook her head, not really wanting to know, but needing to. “Reg?”

“We found him.”

Her heart pounded, but he’d said ‘not the best news’ and Kathryn tamped down her panic. In a strangled whisper, she asked. “Is he alive?” It hadn’t ever really occurred to her that he could be dead. She’d just assumed she would know. There had always been this small but persistent sense of him that sat in the back of her mind. They’d had an almost uncanny connection and she’d presumed their shared visions quests had left a sort of resonance of one another in each other’s mind, but she could have been mistaken.

Time seemed to stop while she waited for Reg to answer. “Yes, he’s alive, but…. he’s in the Delta Quadrant.”

Relief and then…. “What!?”

“W..w..we received a transmission from Neelix this afternoon. It appears that he docked at the Talaxian colony several days ago, gathered supplies and then moved on, heading further into the Quadrant.”

Kathryn was confused and shocked. What on Earth…… Earth! Oh God….Earth. Her heart almost stopped in her chest and she rasped. “Did Neelix say where he was going?” But she already knew the answer.

Reg nodded. “He said he was going back to New Earth.”

Kathryn made a noise like a strangled sob and Reg took a step closer. “Are you all right, Admiral? Can I call someone?”

She shook her head vehemently. If she saw anyone now she would break down completely. She just needed a few minutes to get a handle on the situation. Taking a few steps away from Reg, she gripped the railing so hard her fingers blanched and ached. Unseeing, she stared out across the glittering water of the Bay. New Earth. But why? She didn’t really have to answer that question. She knew why. The realization brought with it a surge exquisite joy, but also a terrible pang of sadness. All this time. Why didn’t he say something? Guilt slammed into her. Why didn’t she say something? Foolish woman, and now he was thirty thousand light years away.

The realisation hit her like a lightning bolt to the chest. There was only one thing she could do. She had to go after him, and there wasn’t a moment to lose. Forgetting Reg, and almost at a run, she tore back towards the hall. Flinging the doors open, she strode purposefully across the dance floor. The music stopped and those who were still there swung around to look at their ex-captain. Without having to ask, they knew something significant had happened. She nodded to Seven and B’Elanna and with Tom, Harry and the Doctor in tow, they all followed her from the ballroom to the transporter pads. Within minutes, they were sitting around her dining room table in Indiana trying to formulate a plan to get back to the Delta Quadrant and rescue their errant First Officer.

Seven pointed out the most obvious answer. “The Delta Flyer. It has been fitted with slipstream drives on more than one occasion. One can assume that Starfleet has analysed and perhaps improved upon Arturis’s technology. Mr Barclay said that it is up to you what is done about the situation. I suggest that you contact whomever necessary and request the Delta Flyer for the mission. It will be a simple process to convert the slip stream technology and then we can go and bring him home.”

B’Elanna had looked at Kathryn and flicked her thumb in Seven’s direction, nodding. “What she said.”

Tom put his hand up. “Um. I hate to be the one to put a damper on this show, but do you really think that Starfleet is going to hand over this technology to you, just like that?” he looked at the determined faces of the women and then answered his own question. “Okay, okay, they’d be crazy to refuse, but you’re going to need a pilot, I’m happy to…”

“No Tom.” Kathryn interrupted. “Thank you for the offer but this is something that I have to do alone. I don’t want to be responsible for anyone else if I happen to get stranded out there again. I’ll do this on my own. I know where he’s going and even if I don’t find him en route, I’ll make my way to the planet and meet up with him there.”

Harry asked an obvious question. “Does anyone know how Chakotay got to the Delta Quadrant in the first place? He’s managed to cover thirty thousand light years in under three years. Does he have some sort of slip stream drive as well?”

Kathryn shook her head. “No one’s really sure Harry. I’m contacting Neelix tomorrow and hopefully he’ll have some answers for us.” She looked around at the faces of her dearest friends. “Well, thank you all. I’m going to try to get some sleep and contact Starfleet first thing in the morning. Any of you who wish to, are welcome to stay.”

They all thanked Kathryn, but made their way to their own homes promising to meet for dinner tomorrow night to hear what Neelix had to say, and to find out if Kathryn had been successful in procuring the Delta Flyer. It was going to be a long twenty-four hours.

As Tom predicted, Starfleet flatly refused to let her take the Delta Flyer, but after much arguing followed by blatant threats, they agreed to let her fit out a similar sized shuttle with the slip stream drive. What they were also tentative about was her intention to travel alone, but acquiesced when she insisted that she would not risk anyone else’s life or, god forbid, find themselves stranded again. She came away very pleased with the outcome but it meant that she, Seven, B’Elanna, Tom and Harry had much work to do over the next few days to get the shuttle equipped and ready to go.

Her conversation with Neelix had been enlightening. “As you can imagine, Admiral, I was shocked, let me say _stunned_ , when we received the Commander’s hail, requesting to dock here for supplies. He only stayed for a couple of nights but I asked him many questions and gathered as much information as I could. I knew you would want to know everything.”

“Well done, Neelix, thank you. I know where he is going, but do you have any idea what sort of technology he is using to travel these distances?”

“From what I understand, he came through the Bajoran wormhole into the Gamma Quadrant and is using a form of quantum drive that he acquired from an Alpha quadrant race called the…. Kressari?” Kathryn nodded and made a mental note to gather as much information as she could about this particular drive. Neelix continued. “Chakotay explained that it used a type of quantum space-folding technology that allows you to skip like a stone across the subspace field. It appears to be a very effective means of travel, but it was playing havoc with his ships structural integrity. He could only use it for short hops of one hundred light years or less at a time and after each jump he would have to repair the damage to his ship.” Kathryn nodded again and saw this as working in her favour.

Her voice wavered slightly with the next question. “And how was he, Neelix? Was he well?”

Neelix’s face clouded a little. “Admiral, he seemed physically well, but very… driven is the only word I can use to describe him. I didn’t understand his obsession to return to that planet but I couldn’t talk him out of going. I begged him to stay here with Dexa and me, but he refused. I’m sorry Admiral. Short of holding him against his will, there was very little that I could do. I’m worried about him.”

“We all are, Neelix, but with any luck I’ll be able to find him and bring him home before he ventures into Borg space.”

“I hope you do, Admiral, I hope you do.”

Time flew by and with everyone’s efforts; the newly named Alpha Flyer was ready within ten days.

Her farewells were tearful but tinged with hope. However, it took some convincing when it came to dealing with her mother. Kathryn sat with Gretchen and tried to explain. “I have no choice, Mom. He has saved my life so many times. In fact, he kept me alive and sane out there. I couldn’t have done it without him and I owe it to him to find him and bring him home. If it was the other way around, I know, without a doubt, that he would come after me. It’s simply something I have to do. ”

Her mother was unconvinced. “Would he really expect you to risk your life to do this?”

She almost laughed. “No and I expect he’ll be none too pleased to see me, but I….” All of a sudden, it seemed so stupid to prevaricate, this was the most important thing she would ever do in her life and she had to make her mother understand. “…I love him, Mom and I need him, desperately. I’m doing this as much for me as I am for him. Please try to understand. It’s taken me all this time to come to terms with the very simple truth that we belong together whether it’s here or in the Delta Quadrant or wherever. Nothing you can say will stop me.”

Her mother grudgingly accepted her daughter’s decision. “I want you to promise me, Kathryn, that you’ll come home.”

“I will, Mom. We’ll both come home.” They’d hugged and Gretchen Janeway watched her daughter walk away, possibly never to return.

Kathryn was determined to bring Chakotay home and calculated that the round trip should take six to eight weeks, as long as he hadn’t travelled more than another few thousand light years from his last known position. She also assumed that he would take the same trajectory that Voyager had taken. It was familiar territory and also the quickest route to New Earth. Her heart gave a little lurch every time she thought of that beautiful green planet and their little cabin in the wilderness. Those months they’d spent there had been precious and dear to her heart. They’d never spoken of it after their rescue. It was as if it lay outside the realms of their reality. A sort of magical idyll, and to speak of it would destroy the enchantment. She wished now that she had at least told him how much it had meant to her. He’d told her of his feelings, couched in that beautiful story that she’d held close to her heart all these years. But being the coward she was, she’d never told him how she felt and look where it had landed them. No more. The minute she clapped eyes on him, she was going to tell him exactly what he meant to her and let him decide their future this time. She’d held the reins for long enough.

* * *

The Alpha Flyer performed spectacularly and within a little under three weeks, she was docking at the Talaxian colony and being greeted by a very excited Neelix. Kathryn was equally thrilled to see him.

“Admiral. It’s so wonderful to see you.” He pulled her into a tight hug and danced around her like a giant speckled puppy. She became reacquainted with Dexa and Brax and over their shared meal, Neelix filled her in on information he’d heard from passing travellers. From what he could estimate, Chakotay was somewhere between four or five hundred light years ahead. Kathryn tamped down her excitement. Having travelled almost thirty thousand light years, a few hundred more seemed almost within arm’s reach, but she put a lid on her impatience.

There was still a long way to go and finding him may not be as simple as it seemed. She would have to take shorter leaps, stopping in between and using long range scans after each leg. There was always the chance that she would miss him. His small shuttle was the proverbial needle in the Delta Quadrant haystack, but she had faith that she would find him. She had to. Their futures depended on it.

Not wanting to delay any longer and promising Neelix that she and Chakotay would stop over on their way back to the Alpha Quadrant, Kathryn made her farewells and after only twenty-four hours on the Talaxian asteroid, she was back in space and travelling at quantum slipstream velocities.

She calculated that if she did hops of no more than fifty light years at a time, she could stop and scan up to sixty light years in all directions. With the ten light year overlap, she estimated that she would be unlikely to miss him, unless of course he had taken another route. All she had to go on were her instincts and her assumption that he would take the shortest way possible.

After four days of leaping frogging across the quadrant, Kathryn was becoming very frustrated. She’d travelled almost six hundred light years from the Talaxian colony and there hadn’t been a sign of him. Her patience was starting to wear thin, but she was at a loss as to what to do to increase her chances of finding him. She’d decided that she would travel out to one thousand light years and if she hadn’t found him by then, she would double back along a slightly different trajectory. Even if she had to criss-cross this sector of space indefinitely, she was determined to find him. Failure was not an option.

Her mind refused to contemplate the remote possibility that he may have struck trouble. His reputation for crashing shuttles was one that she didn’t want to think about at the moment and although this part of space was relatively free of hostile aliens, their experiences over the seven years they were out here had taught her that you could never tell who or what was lurking around the corner.

She’d passed Ledos several days ago, moving quickly through their space. After the trouble with the Ventu and the energy barrier, she wasn’t keen to encounter that particular species again. This morning she’d moved past the planet where Joe Carey had been killed which meant she was nearing Quarra. She had no desire to visit any of these worlds. They held too many troubled memories for her. All of them, in some way tied up with her first officer.

Kathryn was sitting at the con, staring blankly into space. There was still no sign of him. Where the hell was he? Anger and frustration spiked and she slammed her hand down on her console. It started to beep. For a split second, she thought she’d broken something, but it was the proximity alarm and immediately dropping out of warp, she began her scans. She almost cried with relief as a telltale blip on her screen indicated a small federation vessel travelling at low warp some twenty light years off her port stern. She’d found him.

Slumping back in her chair, she took a deep shuddering breath and blinked back tears. Emotions surged but there was no time for that now and she began to formulate a plan of how to go about approaching him. Her presence here would be a shock. She was the last person he would expect to see. He’d spent the best part of the last three years on his own, and she wasn’t sure in what frame of mind she was likely to find him. The Doctor had given her some very salient advice, reminding her to take it very slowly and if possible, meet him on his territory. She entered the co-ordinates to rendezvous with his vessel and headed towards the small ship at impulse. That gave her somewhere around three hours to come up with a plan.

Two hours later found her pacing the deck of the Alpha Flyer not any closer to a solution. The Flyer would be well and truly within his sensor range by now and no doubt, he was aware that there was another Federation vessel on an intercept course. She’d been waiting for him to contact her, but there’d been nothing. It looked like she was going to have to make the first move after all.

She sat back down at the controls and reached across to open a comm. channel when she noticed there was nothing on the sensor grid. His shuttle had disappeared. Fear gripped her and she initiated a sensor sweep of the area. Nothing.

Damn. She extended sensors as far as they would go. There was still nothing. Her heart was beating wildly. After all this, she’d lost him again. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath and thought the situation through logically. She opened her eyes again and stared out at the smattering of stars around her. “Computer, scan for resonance waves from a quantum slip stream?”

She waited while the ship scanned the surrounding space.

The computer voice broke the silence. “Negative. There are no resonance waves present in a radius of one hundred light years.”

Kathryn heaved a sigh. He hadn’t used his slipstream technology and moved beyond sensor range then. Next. “Computer, scan for habitable planets within a radius of one hundred light years.”

“There are two class L planetoids and one class M planet within range.”

“Computer. Display planets.”

Kathryn studied the planets and their locations and made an educated guess. One of the L class planets was closest, but the M class planet was more hospitable. If she was him, that’s where she would go. Kathryn dropped the Alpha flyer into warp and headed towards the planet eighty-five light years ahead. As she neared the planet, she picked up a faint warp trail. He was here somewhere. Placing the Flyer in a low orbit, she scanned the planet. It was uninhabited and there were no human life signs on the surface, but she couldn’t find his shuttle either. It didn’t seem to be in orbit, but there were no EM or warp trails leading away from the planet. She was stumped. Then a faint memory of something he’d once told her niggled at the back of her mind. It had something to do with sensor echoes and how he’d avoided a Cardassian warship many years ago. It made sense. If he was hiding behind the planet mirroring her orbit, the sensors may be disregarding his signature as an echo of her Flyer. She gritted her teeth in determination. “All right, Chakotay…. Computer, initiate a deflector pulse to these co-ordinates.” She concentrated on the readouts and smiled. There he was, the sneaky…..She smiled.

It looked almost like a sensor shadow and if you weren’t searching for it, it would be very easy to overlook. Kathryn took a deep breath and opened the comm. channel.

“Alpha Flyer to Federation shuttle. Come in, Chakotay.” There was no answer. Kathryn tried again. “Janeway to Chakotay. Please acknowledge.”

She heard the line click open and his tentative voice on the other end of the channel. “Kathryn?”

It was like a breath of fresh air. “Chakotay. Oh God, it’s so good to hear your voice. Yes, it’s me. Can you open a visual link?”

The comm. unit came to life and his much-loved face appeared before her.

She broke into a delighted smile. “Hello, Chakotay.”

“Kathryn? What are you doing here?”

“I’ve come to bring you home. We’ve been looking for you everywhere. You’re a hard man to find.” She chuckled.

He was just staring at her. “I don’t believe it. It can’t be true.” He blinked and shook his head. “Have I finally gone mad?”

Kathryn’s smile faded as she watched the bewildered man on her viewscreen. He looked older, but perhaps that was just the longer hair and his gaunt undernourished look. He didn’t appear well and Kathryn began to worry.

“Chakotay, you’re fine. It’s really me. Can I beam over and see you? Maybe when you see me you’ll believe?”

He nodded.

“I’ll be there in a moment.” Kathryn uploaded the co-ordinates for Chakotay’s shuttle then stepped onto the transporter pad. “Energise.”

She shimmered into existence facing the forward viewscreen and the puzzled face of the man she’d been searching for, for the last three years. With tentative steps, she moved towards him. “Chakotay?”

He stood still as stone and stared at her. His haunted look brought tears to her eyes and all she could do was say was his name. “Chakotay.” Her words a gentle caress. With her eyes locked with his, she moved in front of him and her hand reached up towards his face. “Chakotay.” He flinched slightly as her hand moved close, but when she touched his cheek, she saw his breath sigh from his body and his eyes close.

His hand reached up and covered hers and he spoke in a breathless whisper. “It really is you. I never thought… Kathryn. Kathryn.” He opened his eyes and stared into hers. “I was going home, Kathryn. I was lost and all I knew was that I had to go home to New Earth. I…” He was overcome.

“I know, Chakotay. It’s all right. It will be all right.” She slid her arms around him and held him tight. She could feel tremors shiver through his body and after a few minutes, his arms crept around her and held her close against him. They clung to one another for countless moments and then he pushed her away from him.

“How did you get here?”

“In the Alpha Flyer.” She waved her arm in the vague direction of the ship. “Tom, Harry, B’Elanna and Seven fitted it out using Arturis’s slip stream technology. We only found out where you were about six weeks ago. Neelix contacted Starfleet after your visit there.”

She felt him stiffen and he drew away from her, frowning. “I knew I shouldn’t have stopped there, but I was desperate for supplies. Damn Neelix.”

Shocked by that statement, Kathryn took a step away. “You really didn’t want us to find you?”

He looked at her fully for the first time and all the anguish and misery washed back over him. Here was the woman who had been the greatest love of his life, but who was also the cause of the greatest upheaval of his existence. Everything led back to her and a sudden surge of resentment surfaced at her intrusion. He’d purposely left her behind. It had taken all his strength to leave and all this time to forget her, but he should have known she would pursue him. Kathryn Janeway was nothing if not stubborn and persistent. Did he want her to find him? He wasn’t sure.

The only consistent thought he’d had for almost three years was that he had to get back to New Earth. It was the place where he’d experienced some of the happiest moments of his life, and also where he’d been most at peace. He was desperate to find that peace again. His return to the Alpha Quadrant had only dredged up all the feelings of anger and hate, loss and despair that he’d left behind all those years ago. With Kathryn gone from his life, the Maquis dead and disbanded, his family all but gone and those who were left, living lives of their own, he’d realised he had nothing. He’d let it all slip through his fingers and he hated himself for allowing it to happen. He resented her for having a life to come back to, but also for being so much a part of his life that he couldn’t contemplate living without her. When had he become so weak? When had this wonderful love turned into this sickening need? Did he want them to find him? No he didn’t. He didn’t want to feel like that anymore.

In answer to her question, he shook his head and watched Kathryn’s face crumple into a look of intense hurt and deep sadness.

“Oh.” It was almost a sob. Taking another step away from him, she wrapped her arms around her middle in an attempt to hold the anguish at bay. She then gave a harsh laugh and turned away from him. “You know. I never really thought of that. How stupid of me.” Her voice hitched. “I’ve been so selfish. Again, I was only thinking of my wants and needs. I should have thought more about you and the reasons why you were doing this. I should have realised you were trying to get away… from me.” Her last words were barely a whisper. Then she took a deep breath and turned back towards him trying desperately to hide her distress. “I’m sorry, Chakotay. I should have known. I’ve always been a fool where you’re concerned. I’m so sorry, my friend.”

He was watching her, a frown still shadowing his features, and he said nothing.

Kathryn was devastated. All their good intentions, all those years of sorrow and worry, and it appeared he’d made a conscious decision to remove himself from their lives. When would she ever learn to leave well enough alone? He’d obviously survived quite nicely without her. Far better than she’d survived without him. She had to go. “I’ll leave you now. I’m so sorry, Chakotay. For everything.”

She tapped her combadge and the remote transporter from the Alpha Flyer was activated; she faded from existence.

Chakotay stared at the empty space for a split second and then a huge wave of panic hit him. She was gone. She’d been there and now she was gone. He yelled. “Kathryn! Kathryn!”

My God, what had he done? He clambered over to the front console and began madly hitting buttons. “Kathryn. Oh God, Kathryn. Where are you? Please, don’t go.”

Finally, her face appeared on the console. He gasped and his hand reached for her. “Kathryn, please don’t go? Please.” His fingers were almost clawing at the viewer and he watched as tears tipped over her lashes and tracked down her cheeks. “Oh, Kathryn. I’m sorry. So sorry.”

She swallowed her tears. “Are you sure, Chakotay? I don’t want you to do anything that you don’t want to. If you need to stay here, I can accept that. I just need to know that you’re safe and well. I’ve missed you so much.” She realised what she was saying and didn’t want to impose again. “We’ve all missed you. B’Elanna, Tom, Harry…. Seven.”

He nodded, not really listening, just relieved to know she was nearby. He was a little concerned about his mental stability at this moment. Seeing Kathryn had rocked his foundations. It had been a long three years and now that the urgency of his quest had been defused, he was rudderless and a little lost. “Kathryn?”

She wiped her eyes and nodded. “Yes, Chakotay.”

“I’d like to beam over to your vessel and perhaps we could talk.” He stared at her for a long moment. “I’ve missed you too.”

She gave a slow nod, not trusting her voice. Tapping the console, she relayed the co-ordinates and spoke in a whisper. “I’ll be here.”

“Thank you.”

She nodded and closed the connection.

Sitting for a time, she stared out the viewport at his small ship as it drifted within the gravitational eddies of the planet. He was a mere fifty kilometres from her now in physical distance, but she’d never felt so removed from him or so alone. The years hadn’t been kind to either of them, but she was determined to respect his wishes whatever they may be. She owed him that at least. Her gut churned. She couldn’t ever remember being so unsettled. Her happiness was at stake and his too, if she could only get him to see. She’d be a fool to underestimate the repercussions in regard to her state of mind if he didn’t want to return with her. Life would go on, but it would be but a shadow of what it could be. Having seen him and spoken to him, she knew without a doubt just how much she loved him. But because she loved him so deeply she would be willing to let him go if that was the only way he could see to survive.

Taking a deep breath, she moved to the small bathroom at the rear of the shuttle, washed her face and tidied her hair. As she passed the replicator on the way back to the cockpit, she ordered a cup of strong coffee and took a couple of hearty gulps. Sitting at the con, she waited for word from him. The longer she waited the more worried she became. The console beeped and she almost spilled her coffee, so preoccupied was she with her thoughts.

It was an audio message only. “Chakotay to Janeway. I’m ready to beam over.”

“Anytime, Chakotay. I’m here.” She stood facing the rear of the Flyer. His figure coalesced on the upper level and he gave her a small smile. He looked somewhat less tortured this time. The shock of her sudden appearance had worn off a little. Taking a deep breath, she gave him a small smile in return. “Would you like a tea or something, Chakotay?”

“I wouldn’t mind a coffee. I’ve become quite fond of it over the last couple of years.”

She raised her eyebrows in surprise. “Certainly. Do you still have it with cream and two sugars?”

He shook his head. “No. Just black, please.”

Her head swung around and she gave him a piercing look then moved to the replicator and ordered his drink. As she handed it to him, she indicated the co-pilot’s chair for him to sit, while she took the con.

They sat quietly, each sipping their drink slowly, acutely aware of each other’s presence. Kathryn snuck a look at him from the corner of her eye. He seemed a lot calmer, but at this juncture, she wouldn’t take anything for granted. The situation felt oddly familiar, but awkward. He was sitting to her left as he had done for over seven years, but this was a very different Chakotay. This was a man who had placed himself into a kind of solitary confinement for three years, as some sort of twisted punishment as he searched for his elusive peace of mind. Would she be able to find the Chakotay she loved so dearly? Was this man so very different?

He turned to her slowly. “I’m out of practice, Kathryn.”

She cocked her head to the side. “With what, Chakotay?”

“With being here, with people, but especially with you.” He turned back to the front again. “I’ve spent a long time trying to get over you.”

Kathryn swallowed past the lump in her throat. “I tried too, but I failed.” She shrugged. “That’s why I’m here.”

He nodded and turned to her. “I wasn’t very successful either. I became very good at pretending.”

“Taking a page from my book, huh?” Kathryn’s smile widened a little.

“I only learn from the best.”

Kathryn frowned again. That last comment, although said in jest, stung. He was right of course. She was the master of deception and delusion, managing to fool herself and everyone around her for years. She cleared her throat. “I’ve been unlearning those skills over the last few years. The loss of a dear friend made me realise that I couldn’t pretend anymore and survive.” She turned to him. “I want you to come home with me Chakotay. I’ve missed you so much, and I promised a lot of people that I’d bring you home.”

He nodded and put down his cup. “Why did you really come here, Kathryn? I need to know the real reason. Kathryn’s reason.” His eyes bore into hers and she felt all the barriers collapsing.

She had nothing to lose and so much to gain by telling him the truth, so placing her cup on the console, she turned towards him and touched his arm. He flinched, but she ignored it. “Why did I come after you? Because I don’t want to live without you any longer. You took my heart and soul with you when you left and I’ve come to claim them back. I love you. I always have, deeply, and I need you and want you, and if you’ll have me, I’d like to be a part of your life.” She watched as his eyes widened in wonder and shock. “It’s your call, Chakotay. I’m at your mercy.”

He pulled his arm away and continued to stare at her. Her look was open and unflinching. She’d meant what she said. Her life was in his hands to do with as he pleased.

Suddenly he stood and moved towards the rear of the Flyer. Kathryn’s heart lurched into her throat. She’d said too much and scared him away. How could she watch him leave? She wanted to scream at him, but she bit her tongue and her hands gripped the arms of the chair. He tapped his combadge and she waited for him to disappear and her life to dissolve with him, but instead several small cargo containers and a duffle appeared in the rear of the Flyer in a shimmer of blue.

He took a few steps back towards her and sat on the arm of the co-pilots seat and looked into her startled eyes. “The self destruct on my ship is set for five minutes. We need to tractor it away from the planet. Kathryn blinked and shook herself, before she turned to the console. She activated the tractor beam, dragged the small craft out of orbit and sent it on a trajectory away from the planets in the system. They sat in silence and watched as the sky was lit by the core breach of the small vessel.

She wanted to cry, but instead she turned to him and spoke in a shaky voice. “I hope you checked under the bed and didn’t forget anything.”

He gave her the first genuine smile that she’d seen since her arrival. He shrugged. “If I have, I’m sure I can pick up a replacement when we get home to Earth.”

Kathryn sat for a moment and stared at the shuttle controls. She raised her hand to enter the co-ordinates for their return journey, but it was shaking too much. She let it drop into her lap and her head lowered to stare at it. A large golden hand stole across and gripped her trembling hand. At his touch, a huge sob was wrenched from deep within her. It was followed by another and another and then she launched herself at him, throwing her arms around him and knocking them both to the floor. She laughed and cried as she held him tight and then whispered into his neck. “Thank you, thank you. I love you. Thank you.”

They lay on the floor of the Alpha Flyer together, wrapped in each other’s arms, whispering words of love and loss, sorrow and hope. Many hours later, they rose and took their places at the forward console. Chakotay took Kathryn’s hand and lifted it to his lips. Kissing her fingers lovingly, he then placed it on the controls. “Let’s go home.”

Nodding, she entered the co-ordinates and in a whoosh of light, they were on their way home.

Together.

* * *

Three years. He’d been home for three years. It was hard to believe. Standing to the side of the dance floor, he looked around at the happy faces of Voyager crew as they laughed, danced and enjoyed each other’s company. It was the sixth anniversary of their return and thirteen years since they’d been thrown together in the Delta quadrant, a mismatched crew of Maquis rebels and Starfleet recruits.

Looking at them now, you would never have known that they’d once been enemies. He looked across at a beaming Kathryn as she held Harry and Celes new baby and he shook his head. It was even harder to believe that he and Kathryn had once been adversaries. His heart swelled as he watched her. He loved her more and more each day.

His attention was caught by Tom and B’Elanna as they tried to grab their youngest offspring and his grin broadened as he watched several other children running around the legs of the adults, giggling and laughing. Their ranks had grown considerably in the last six years and Chakotay smiled wistfully. How the time had flown and how different his life was today to that of the lost and angry man of six years ago.

The blessed life he was living now was light years from that frightening place of solitude and loneliness. He’d been so bitter and driven in those years. So lost and weary and looking for something that he didn’t know he already had. Kathryn’s love. She was his peace and his anchor as much as he was hers and he thanked the spirits that she’d risked all to come after him. His second homecoming had been a triumphant return, full of love, acceptance and joy, and he owed it all to Kathryn.

It was almost three years to the day that they’d stepped out of the Alpha Flyer into the delighted embraces of B’Elanna, Tom, Harry, Seven and Gretchen Janeway. He’d been a little overwhelmed even though it had been a subdued welcome. They all understood that the three years he’d spent on his own had left its mark, but their gentle support and acceptance was a balm to his wounded spirit.

He’d cried when Gretchen had taken him in her arms. She’d held him tight and talked soothingly into his ear. “Welcome home, my boy. It’s wonderful to finally have you with us.” Then she’d held his face between her hands and looked him in the eye. “And thank you for bringing her home to me. Today and three years ago. I can’t tell you how much that means to me. You must stay here with us now, with the people who love you. Welcome to the family, Chakotay.” Then she’d kissed his cheek and hugged him tight. He’d wrapped his arms around this small woman and laughed and cried into her warm embrace.

It seemed like a lifetime ago and in a way it was. Much had happened in the three intervening years. He and Kathryn had married soon after they arrived home and… he felt a tug on his pant leg. “Dadda.” He bent over and picked up his two year old daughter. She was a miracle. No-one, least of all Kathryn and Chakotay had thought that they would have a child, but just weeks after their homecoming the Doctor had given them the wonderful news. Yes, he was truly blessed. He kissed his daughter’s cheek and then she wriggled and he placed her on the ground where she took off after one of the other children. His heart was so full.

He felt her presence before he saw her and his heart beat a little faster as it always did when she was near. Turning to her, he smiled then leant over and kissed her.

She grinned at him. “What was that for?”

He shrugged. “Nothing, and everything. I love you.”

She stood on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek, whispering in his ear. “I love you too.”

“Enough already, you two. There are kids around and you’ve been married for ages, haven’t you got over that yet? Sheesh.” B’Elanna joined them and smiled at two of the happiest people in the known universe. Kathryn gripped Chakotay’s arm and tugged him closer. B’Elanna waved them away. “Oh, what the hell. Go for it. You never know, I might learn something.”

Chakotay gave her a wry look. “Number three is on the way, I hear, so I doubt there is much we can teach you unless it has something to do with contraception.”

“Oh, very funny Old Man. Just remember, you’re babysitting.”

“Thanks so much.”

B’Elanna grinned at him. She was so happy he was here.

Together they surveyed the room. Naomi was being swept around dance floor by her father and waved as she passed, and the Doctor and Seven nodded a greeting as they sailed by.

Two little arms wrapped themselves around Kathryn’s middle and squeezed. “Miral! Hello, sweetheart. What are you up to?”

“Johnny is chasing me.”

Chakotay bent down and swept a small blond headed dynamo into his arms and snuffled his face into his stomach. “Johnny Paris what are you doing to your sister?” The two year old giggled uncontrollably while Chakotay tossed him above his head.

“Oh, well done, Uncle Chakotay. That’ll settle him down. You can have him for the night if you’re going to keep that up.” B’Elanna was shaking her head, but smiling at the joyous goings on.

Chakotay just smiled. “Oh, no you don’t. We’ve got enough trouble of our own. And before trouble comes back…” He placed the small boy in his mother’s arms, “I’m going to dance with my wife.” He crooked his elbow and Kathryn tucked her hand into his arm, and they walked out to join the throng.

They moved slowly around the dance floor wrapped in each other’s arms, and surrounded by love. The crew of Voyager looked on with delight. All was right with their world. The demons of the Delta Quadrant had at last been put to rest and their command team were home.

As they danced Chakotay muttered into her hair. “Three years, Kathryn. Can you believe it?”

Kathryn cupped the side of his face and looked at him. “You know, I can’t imagine a day without you.”

He smiled at her and taking her hand, he kissed her palm. “Do you remember the first time you said those words to me.”

She frowned trying to remember.

He took her hand and placed it over his heart. “It was many years ago, just before we met the Borg. We were standing by the viewport in your Ready room and you laid your hand on my chest, like this, and said, ‘Three years ago, I didn’t even know your name. Today I can’t imagine a day without you.’ It gave me such hope.”

Kathryn rested her cheek against his chest next to her hand and listened to his steady heartbeat. “I’ve loved you for a very long time.” She looked up at him and grinned. “Have you noticed, Chakotay how many life changing moments in our lives have happened at three year intervals? I wonder what the next three years will bring?”

He hugged her close. “Three, thirteen or thirty years, Kathryn. I don’t care what the future holds. As long as we’re together it will be wondrous.”

There was a tug on both their pant legs and they looked down. Two bright blue eyes surrounded by a shock of dark curly hair stared up at them. “Mamma, Dadda, Up.”

Chakotay scooped their daughter into his arms and giggling she gave them both wet kisses and wrapped her little arms around their necks. They held her close and looked into each other’s eyes. The world and all their love was held in that gaze and together they held their little one close and they danced.

_fin_


End file.
